Man its been awhile since Ive been on LJ. Lots have happened since the last time I made an Actual post.
Ive quit drinking. Drinking made me into a person I wasn't. Quit doing drugs. I found out quickly that weed was just an escape from reality and found out that no matter how you try and escape it, it always finds you. Been drug free for 2 years and haven't had a drink in about a year and a half. Best thing Ive done is quit it all!!! Best results....Losing around 80 pounds! I feel great!
I took and completed Anger Management. It was voluntary. I couldn't handle being the person I was anymore and continually hurting the people around me. Drinking, Drugs, and Being angry at the world just wasn't me and I needed help. People say I didnt have a drinking or drug problem. Things is... I did. Most people just saw me out in public, having a great time. Only thing they didnt know is I didnt know when to stop. I couldn't tell you how many times I had to have someone pick me up off the floor or tend to me days after because I blacked out/drank way to much.
Starting over is extremely hard, but I'm waking up every day alive and thankful for another day. I've tried talking to my boyfriend, Jarrett, about all this but he doesn't seem to understand. I wish I had someone to understand again. Some days I wish he knew me before all the drinking and drugs. Then maybe he'd understand.
28th birthday is right around the corner. Dont really have anything to show for it. Not married, no kids, no house, nothing. I recently quit my job at Sally Beauty Supply because I got tired of going in day after day, busting my ass, only to be told to my face that I'm a piece of shit and I only do my job half ass. Being cussed at daily over stupid stuff just wasn't on my agenda. Yeah I should have stayed and stuck it out, but putting up with this over so long can wear on a person. Wanting to punch them in the face or stab them with a pen came to mind. One thing I learned in Anger Management is NO MATTER the situation, if you feel like you're going to do something that will result in bad things, then separate yourself and move forward with more positive things. I am currently looking for a job. I've put out tons of resumes and have had several interviews. Have one later today too.
I miss the old days. A lot! The people, The friends, The gatherings, The Relationship. Not saying the relationship I have now isn't great, but it's not going to go any further than what it is now. I know this. He knows this. But yet, we find ourselves still together. My problem is, I have a really hard time being alone. I hate it! I love the comfort of knowing someone is always there. Maybe I should just get a dog. lol.
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